I don’t wish to share my real name publicly, but I want to tell my story because I believe it is important that women who have changed their minds about abortion are heard.
I found out I was pregnant with my third child in 2023. At the time, I was not in a good place. My relationship with my partner was difficult, I was studying for a degree which was intense, I was working my way up in my career, and we were living on my parent’s property with our two children in a tiny space.
The pregnancy was a shock, and my immediate thought was abortion.
I knew abortion was available in Ireland, but I wasn’t sure how to access it. I initially went to my GP, thinking that the GP could prescribe the tablets. I saw a locum doctor who explained that I would need to contact the My Options support line to find out where I could have an assessment.
I called the helpline in a very upset state. I was crying. I explained why I didn’t want to continue with the pregnancy. The person I spoke to listened, but I don’t remember being given much advice or discussion about the decision itself. Nobody suggested keeping the baby. No mention that it would be a life changing decision. They more or less just told me where to go to get an abortion.
I was given a list of doctors in my area who could carry out the assessment and prescribe the medication. I chose a clinic because I had looked it up beforehand and the doctor there was a woman.
When I went for the appointment, I had an ultrasound which showed that I was just over eight weeks pregnant.
I had two children already, and despite how upset I was, I asked if I could see the ultrasound.
I was told, “We don’t do that here.”
I was then told that I needed to return to collect the tablets on the Friday. If I waited until the following Monday, I would be over nine weeks pregnant and would have to go into hospital. I was left with the impression that this was something that should be avoided if possible.
That appointment began the three-day waiting period.
And those three days changed everything for me.
The clock was running. I knew I was expected to come back and collect the medication. But having those three days gave me time to stop and think about what I was actually deciding.
I had already been thinking about the abortion while I was away on holiday. I had even been drinking because I believed I was going to have an abortion. At one point my partner asked me if I should be drinking, and I said, “Sure, I’m having an abortion.”
At that stage, I thought the decision had effectively been made.
But during those three days, I started asking myself questions I hadn’t really allowed myself to consider before.
Could I live with this?
Could I live with the possibility of always wondering what might have been?
I already had two children. I knew what I would be missing. I knew that a baby isn’t just a pregnancy. You get to know their little personality, who they become, and the place they take within your family.
I also started thinking about my other children. I felt that I didn’t have the right to decide which one of my children got to live.
I talked to my partner. He had supported me in going for the abortion, but we talked about how we could make things work and how we could manage another child.
Over those three days, I came to the realisation that I couldn’t go through with it.
I cancelled the appointment.
And almost immediately, I felt an enormous weight lift from my shoulders.
I am so glad I didn’t go ahead.
My baby will be two years old shortly, and he is one of the greatest joys of my life. His name is Eoghan.*
He has an older brother and sister, and he has brought so much happiness to our family.
I finished my degree just three weeks before he was born. Life didn’t suddenly become perfect, and we still had challenges, but we found a way through them.
The three-day period wasn’t an inconvenience to me. It wasn’t something that stood in the way of a decision I had already firmly made.
It was the time in which I actually made my decision.
Without those three days, I believe I would have taken the tablets. I had already convinced myself that abortion was what I was going to do.
Instead, the clock was running, and I had time to reflect.
I had time to ask myself whether I could live with my decision.
And I realised that I couldn’t.
There is very little discussion about women who experience regret or who change their minds before an abortion. There is a huge disconnect between the way abortion is discussed publicly and the reality that some women are deeply uncertain when they are making this decision.
The three-day waiting period gave me the opportunity to think about a decision that would have changed the rest of my life.
My son is nearly two now. Without those three days, I believe I would have taken the tablets and he wouldn’t be here. I’m so glad I didn’t.
